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And Then There Was One

  • I have one more day at the office tomorrow before I call it a week and leave for my excursion to St. Louis.  I am so looking forward to leaving the office behind for a few days.
  • Speaking of the office, it looks like some of the typical freneticism is underway as we enter our change blackout.  Even funnier, though, is that some groups thought our blackout started at different times than it has for the last four months.
  • It appears that my new camera will not arrive in time for my trip to St. Louis.  The last update from Dell.com was that it was delayed.  I am happy to report, though, that my 4GB SD card arrived!  So, I have all the space I need for photos, but nothing with which to take them.  Poor planning on my part.
  • I need to register, but I am going to run the 5K during the Baltimore Running Festival.  I am surprisingly looking forward to it.
  • I think another trip is going to be in order.  I am committed to Michigan in September, but I think I need to visit Los Angeles again.
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Not So Subtle Reminders

This evening, while grabbing a quick bite to eat from the local Safeway, I was reminded of why I never shop there.  As I stood waiting in the Express lane, I was the second person behind a woman who decided that she would break her purchase out among a couple of different credit cards.  This process went on for what seemed like forever, as the woman had the cashier remove items from her bill to get one of the cards to process.  At the end, the woman had to scrounge for change from her wallet.  If memory serves, the final amount needed was .69 cents. If I had loose change, I would have thrown it down on the belt.

On top of this, I was able to watch one of the people who lurk outside the store trying to sell what I can only guess were stolen DVDs.  Wonderful.

I love my neighborhood, but it’s times like these when I am so glad I choose to shop elsewhere.  No more visits to the Safeway in my neighborhood, that’s for sure.

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Something in the Water

I am so thankful for the return of Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.  It reminds me of how much sharks fascinated me when I was a kid, and it reminds me of summers from college, watching the shows of Shark Week while home for the summer.

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Visitation

Yesterday was a day long in the making and one I had been dreading.  My maternal grandmother, maternal uncle, nephew, and I drove down just outside of Charlottesville, Virginia to visit my mother.  For those of you new to the ongoing saga of my family, my mother has been in jail in Virginia for about 18 months now, with a brief respite of freedom around the Spring of 2007.  Her incarceration was the result of her being with my sister and the continued spiral her life had taken in the last few years as a result of drug use–something I did not realize until much later.

On top of all of this, it was just two weeks ago that my mother told me she suffered a minor stroke.  She suffered a small stroke in her sleep, and she was very upset as to what had happened.  She had some memory problems as she spoke to me that morning, as I talked to her in my bleary-eyed state as she woke me up that morning. I did not know what else to say at the time, but my major concern was her recovery.  Was she receiving therapy?  What did the doctors say?  Do they know the severity of the stroke?  She was upset at the time, and as the phone call ended, her one driving thought was that I bring my nephew along.

In the two weeks since that call, I worked with the Baltimore City Department of Social Services.  After explaining the situation, my nephew’s social worker and her supervisor were able to get me the appropriate paperwork authorizing him to travel with me.  I was surprised that this only took one week to accomplish, and I knew that it would make my mother happy.  It was after all this paperwork was done, though, that I remembered that my mother’s birthday was on July 22nd.  How could I have forgotten that?

The drive was long, and I was tired after a long night the day before.  I had to pick up my nephew in Woodlawn, and I then drove out to Carroll County to meet at my uncle’s house before we continued on our adventure.  The drive was fairly quiet, though.  No one talked about the elephant in the room, yet we all knew where we were going and who were to see.

My grandmother was unable to join us, as she forgot her photo identification and was unable to be cleared to visit.  She was forced to wait for us outside, and I knew that this made her pretty sad, even catching her briefly crying.  After going through the somewhat embarrassing yet required check-in as a visitor to the correctional institution, we were transported to the gym inside the complex.  It was there that we waited, seated in the plastic chairs one finds on a backyard patio or deck.  I did not see my mother arrive until she was there, giving me a hug.

At first, I was a bit surprised by her appearance.  It was striking, as I had not seen her in some time.  Her hair was shorter than it has been, and it dawned on me much later that I had not seen my mother for something approaching three years.  She also looks older–I can only presume the results of the stress and worry her incarceration has had coupled with the way she was forced to live after leaving Baltimore.

Later, though, it became obvious that my mother was happy to see us.  Personally, I really had not much to offer my mother.  She knew what was going on in my life, and I had not much else to offer aside from the usual–work, play, house, talk about my grandfather, repeat.  She enjoyed seeing my nephew, and I expected that given that she spent a good part of his life raising him.

A little more than halfway through our visit, the volunteer staff took us aside to take our photograph.  Although I tend to detest photos, I stood in.  It made my mother pretty happy, even if the camera stole some of my soul in the process.  ;-)  She now has a photo of my uncle, nephew, me, and her to enjoy.  I can only hope it brings her as much joy and comfort as it did that afternoon. While we chatted, I could see some of the effects of her stroke.  My mother had problems recalling certain words as we talked, as though the words were just on the tip of her tongue.  She did not seem physically as bad as I had expected, but it was hard to tell how it had effected her.  While it was easy to see her struggling for words, it was hard to see the physical ravagers that the stroke had “bestowed” upon her.

After some more conversation, we wrapped up our visit.  The guard came by to give my mother her identification, and she gave us our paperwork to proceed back to the main entrance.  I did not realize how long it had been, but we spent over 2 hours there talking to her.  At this point, my mom became clearly sad.  We all hugged, and we said our goodbyes.  We also got to watch my mother depart the gym/meeting area, escorted back to the place she now calls anything but home.

It took some time for my thoughts and feelings to gel after this visit.  Had I really been so bad to not realize how long it had been since I had seen my mother?  How much had my mother changed to drive me so far away? How much had I changed?  How bad is it that I forgot her birthday?  Am I so wrapped up in the selfish concerns of my life to forget about her?  How is she going to recover from the stroke over the long term?

Looking back, one of the toughest choices I had to make and standby was the choice I made to not help my mother as she descended into the personal hell of her own making.  Even now, it is difficult to continue to maintain my independence, knowing what my mother has been through.  Still, I know that if I had ever waivered, my sanity, among other things, would have been lost.  I had to do this.

There’s part of me, though, that thinks that the actions I have taken over the last three years–it has been that long–with my mother have dehumanized me in some way.  I no longer have the relationship I once had with my mother, and I still do not know if I will ever have that same relationship again.  Something has changed, but I can only hope that this time my mother has spent away from the people she loves has taught her an invaluable lesson.  I also hope, in some way, I learned a lesson, too.  I just wish I knew exactly what that lesson is.

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Peace and Quiet

I am sitting here enjoying a quiet Saturday morning, drinking some coffee and catching up on things in advance of a day of enjoying a cookout with some good friends followed up with some beers with some friends.  Nonetheless, here are some things percolating in my mind over the last few days. 

  • I am so happy to finally not have to worry about work this weekend.  The BlackBerry is peacefully quiet, and there is nothing occurring that requires my attention.  It is actually quite nice.  Although next week should be quiet based on a change blackout that begins on Wednesday, I have a feeling it will be a bit busier than I expect on account of colleagues being on vacation. 
  • In a rare moment between meetings and phone calls yesterday, one of my good colleagues and I had a chance to discuss some home theatre options for my house in the next year.  I do not expect to pull the trigger soon, but it was good to just bounce some ideas off of someone who knows a lot more than I do.  I will probably be taking him up on his offer of assistance when I start pulling the trigger on some of those things. 
  • Speaking of vacations, I am looking forward to being in St. Louis this time next week.  I leave on Friday morning, and I do not return until Monday afternoon.  It will be a well-deserved break, and it will be fun to catch up with one of my best friends. 
  • In advance of said vacation, I finally stopped procrastinating and purchased a camera to replace the faithful Canon PowerShot that was purloined from my home last year.  Before I leave, I should receive my new Canon PowerShot A650 IS.  Much like my old PowerShot, the LCD panel swings out from the body.  I am pretty happy about that.  The purchase may be frivolous, but I miss having a camera to occasionally photograph some things from time to time.
  • Thanks to Carol for accepting my package, but my new grill cover has arrived.  All the better to protect the awesome Weber! 
  • Speaking of grilling, I have been considering an “End of Summer” celebration at the house.  I am shooting for the end of August or the weekend after Labor Day.  Who doesn’t like grilled food, adult libations, and a good time?  Thoughts from the local blogerrati? 
  • Yesterday was my last Boot Camp session.  I had a great time, even though I missed a few sessions on account of one thing or another.  It was a good change and alteration to my workout routine, and it was a good way to get me kick-started back into the running thing again.  As a result, I have been giving some consideration to throwing myself into the Baltimore Running Festival and doing a 5K.  Nothing like some motivation to get myself training. 
  • Speaking of running, I am looking to replace my now dead Sony headphones that I use when working out.  I am thinking about getting some good noise-cancelling earbuds.  The standard iPod earbuds suck and never stay in my ear.  I keep thinking about Shure, but I am open to suggestion. 
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