Today, I had one of my monthly visits to my nephew to see how he was doing and catch up and try to provide him with some guidance as to where he should be headed in his young life. Admittedly, I feel a bit scared sometimes when I talk to him. The fear I feel, I think, is the realization that he is getting older. I also think that fear is borne out of what I may have to look forward to down the road whenever I get married and have children. Nonetheless, it was good seeing him. I spent way too much time chiding him about his language, but I know he is trying to do well by me.
One of the things I have been trying to nail down is his invitation to the National Young Leaders Conference. I have only heard of the invitation via him and my mother, and I have tried to get the actual literature from him to review and get some more information. Interestingly, it was 16 years ago this January that I attended the same conference in Washington, DC. It was a great experience for me, and I know it would be a great experience for him. I need to figure out how to pay for his travel costs, though, as I know this conference is much more expensive now than it was then. I also know that we do not have the resources we once had–my grandmother really helped in getting some small contributions by state politicians at the time, and she and my grandfather really helped defray the cost. I still do not know what the cost is, and I do not know what else is involved. My nephew gave the information to his social worker, but God only knows where the form now is. Even then, his social worker said that the consent forms that would need to be signed for him would need to be signed by his biological parents, which seems to be a rather long stretch to me if the foster parent is the individual empowered to provide legal consent for my nephew–a minor. It seems to me as though the consent form is akin to a permission slip for a field trip, so on the face of it there is no reason why the foster parent cannot sign for it.
That is one of the most frustrating things in dealing with my nephew. Things go through such long convoluted channels that I never know how long things take nor where things stand. It makes it so difficult to find out what is going on sometimes with him.
Speaking of my mother, my nephew informed me that she is back to her old tricks. According to his conversation with my sister, my mother is back in jail. I do not know what she is in, but it is so disappointing to hear that she has fallen back to her old ways. After my mom told me that she knew she had to make the change in her life, I learn that this happened. I kind of thought something was up as the last two times I called her cell phone and only got her voicemail with no call back.
This is so frustrating to me. My mother is the one person that I used to be able to go to for advice on some of the various matters going on in my head. I have no close relationship with my father, and my grandfather and uncle are people I look up to and respect. I would never think of talking to either my uncle or my grandfather about some of the thoughts and ideas I have. In the case of my grandfather, I respect him so much that I am somewhat scared of exposing my emotions in front of him. That said, I sometimes feel that I miss that connection I once had with my mother. I no longer have that sounding board I had before, and I can get pretty lonely with my thoughts since I have no other sounding board. It’s frustrating when the people that you want to be there are not there for you.
I have some great friends, and I have some very great family. At the same time, I miss the fact that I have no immediate family that I am close to. I am so used to being independent and making my own way, but at the same time it is incredibly lonely sometimes.
Post a Comment