Baltimoremick.com

The title of this post is a phrase that my late grandmother used to describe my sister. She always said that when you least expected it, she would “turn up like a bad penny.” After yesterday afternoon, the same can be said about my mother. A little less than one year ago, I posted about the issues with my mother and nephew. I also mentioned how I had to post my mother’s bail to get her out of jail.

In the span of one year, however, it would appear as though my mother has learned absolutely nothing. Yesterday afternoon, after enjoying a productive day at the office, my cell phone rang with a number from Virginia–the 504 area code–that I did not recognize. I answered the phone, and I was greeted with a recording informing me that the call was a collect call from the Augusta County Correctional Center. I knew at the moment it was my mom, and I decided to hang the phone up–partly out of a fear of the cost of such a call.

A little after that phone call, someone else from the same area called me. Apparently an acquaintance of my mother’s, he asked if I would be willing to post bail–$100–since my sister has not come through with it. I asked him what my mother was in jail for, but he did not know. I told him that, quite frankly, I want to know what the charges are before I take any action. Additionally, I told him that I do not plan on posting bail for her.

About an hour after that, I received another phone call from a bail bondsman in the same area. He described the situation, and he knew a bit more about the reason why my mother was in jail. She was arrested as a result of a bench warrant which was issued for her failure to appear in court–much like what happened a year ago. He did not know the original charge for which she failed to appear. I politely told the gentleman I am done enabling my mother, and I will not be posting bail. I told him I don’t care if the bail was a nickel, as I am not posting it. As a matter of emotional support, I called my grandfather and my uncle about this. They both agreed, and my uncle even supported my reasons as it is the same course of action he has taken with my father. Needless to say, this just about killed any momentum I had for the afternoon.

The one reason I sent my mother off to Virginia was for her to get her head straight. I thought that being away from whatever temptations Baltimore offered her for whatever her chemical dependency happens to be would help her straighten her life out. I also thought that her first go-round with the legal system would be sufficient to “scare her straight.” In one year’s time, I have been proven wrong–dead wrong. With her actions, my mother has driven the nail in the coffin that was once my relationship with her. She has irreparably broken the bond we had as mother and son, and I hope that she realizes it. I told her last year I was not going to help her out anymore, and I am standing by my pledge. This latest incident, though, cements the experiment I conducted last summer–I am keeping my mother at arm’s length. I am not going to talk to her, nor am I going to accept her calls. There will be no Mother’s Day card from me.

I realize that some of this probably makes me sound cold-hearted and uncaring. In talking this over with others, though, I know this is the course I need to take. In order for me to maintain my pledge of not helping, I need to really keep my mother at arm’s length away from me. Much like my sister through the years, my mother now has to prove she is taking the steps to correct her problems. I know it will be tough for her, and it will probably be tougher since I will not really be offering any support to her. Even in the face of everything she has done to shatter the bond we once had, taking this path is one of the hardest things I have done. Deep down, I want her to conquer whatever demons are bedeviling her, but she has to want to confront these demons herself. After this incident, I wonder if she ever will.